This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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