Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
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i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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