I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
