He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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