U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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