He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
