i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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