Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
