tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
