This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can Purell be used as lube?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
how does that bad decision feel?
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