So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
