Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
