Ambien. No doubt about it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
