Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
