apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
