why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
