the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I smell like Dick and happiness
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
