Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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