"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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