So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
