We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
