Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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