with your own penis?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
