I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
