he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
