We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
