It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
