She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
