dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
