after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies