are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
