Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
