'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
