It's just like the Real World with babies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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