Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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