don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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