It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
