My hair reeks of homosexuality.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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