Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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