If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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