i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
