PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
