I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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