How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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