I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
