I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
