Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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