is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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