is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
