Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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