...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
