She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
