If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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