Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
