Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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