you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
