yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
