and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
