got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
