C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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