I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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