I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
two words: eviction party
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
