remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
