And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
