did you get engaged???
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
