I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Rumble strips road head = magical
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
