let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
