I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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