you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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