sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
