I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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