Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
