People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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