So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
